


Jack VS the soul stealing toys

by Flamingbluepanda



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Crack, Furbies, M/M, Please don’t take this seriously, gratuitous destruction of furbies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 18:07:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20101417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamingbluepanda/pseuds/Flamingbluepanda
Summary: Ianto is king of the furbies





	Jack VS the soul stealing toys

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because Gianna started acting weird and forced me to do this. Please don’t read this and please do not take it seriously I hate that this exists and I’m gonna have to post a real fic out of penance

Jack put up with a lot of things for Ianto Jones… and by far the strangest was the Furbies.

Despite Jack’s insistence that they were creepy, Ianto was very proud of his collection of the small furry toys. He washed their skins, carefully maintained their inner workings- Jack drew the line at letting them sleep in the bedroom with them, but if he’d allow it he was certain that Ianto would have them sleep at the foot of the bed.

In their nests.

Their  _ custom made nests. _

The issue came to a head when Jack strolled into the flat one day (the flat that was technically just Ianto’s even though Jack pretty much lived there but they’d never declared anything so it was just Ianto’s flat or the flat) and saw ianto, seated on the kitchen floor, all 8 Furbies around himself a semicircle. 

Ianto was speaking to them in what sounded like welsh, but may have been gibberish. He wore a paper crown. 

_ Yeah,  _ Jack decided,  _ that tears it.  _

Jack drew his gun and stepped right in to the center of the furbies, bending down to grab Ianto’s shoulder and say “ianto, we need to talk about the furbies.” 

Ianto’s eyes were an odd color- a brighter blue than they normally were, and dialated like he was high. Those pretty red lips morphed into a scowl. “How dare you Jack,” Ianto accused, “how dare you interrupt court!” 

Jack mentally counted to ten, and managed to keep his voice semi-level when he said “court?”

“Royal court,” ianto muttered, eyes glazing over a bit, “I’m their king.” 

Jack sighed. “The things I do for love.” 

He whirled around and fired his Webley 6 times, emptying the pistol. As predicted, ianto sprang on him, grabbing his arm and screaming, but Jack crushed the seventh furby under his boot and pushed him off, wincing sympathetically when Ianto’s head collided with the counter top. 

He grabbed the last furby, shoved it head first into the sink, and felt a savage sort of pride as he flicked on the garbage disposal. 

Ianto stopped hollering. Jack turned triumphantly to see him blinking in confusion. 

“... what happened to my furbies?” 

“Furbies are made with alien tech. It’s mostly harmless but proximity to the rift messes with it.”

“Why do I have a paper crown?” 

“Believe me, you don’t want to know. I saved your ass, end of story. I’d much rather say it’s a kinky sex game.” 

“... can it be a kinky sex game and not whatever the real reason was?” 

_ “Fuck  _ yeah.” 

(Two days later, Ianto sheepishly left a key to  _ their  _ flat on his desk. The paper crown was destroyed while playing kinky sex games and the furbies were never mentioned again.) 

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck no I’m not attaching my tumblr to this go blame www.zasteroid.tumblr.com for this


End file.
